Cher M. Wenger (sorry my keyboard doesn’t allow grave accents),
You no doubt remember me as the gentleman with the frankly ludicrous knowledge of past World Cups, noted also for famously hitting the bar from the halfway line during that crucial Sunday morning friendly match against Gateshead Health Authority in early 1999. They didn’t have YouTube in those days unfortunately, but you will no doubt note that Thierry Henry has never been recorded as managing that, and of course when even Pele tried it, at Mexico ’70, he missed completely.
Some years ago I reluctantly had to accept my football career was over, having failed even to select myself for my own University Intra-Mural team. The final blow was your decision to make Cesc Fabregas – aged precisely 10 years and one day younger than me – Captain of Arsenal Football Club. There comes a time when you just have to let go of your dream, as the last six seasons have taught us all.
Nevertheless, I cannot help but notice two things:
- the return of formerly retired players to the game at various big Premier League clubs; and
- the dearth of defending talent at Arsenal (let’s be honest, Squillaci hasn’t turned out to be the answer, has he?)
Like Thierry Henry, I’m 34. Like Thierry Henry, I am perhaps not quite at full match fitness. Like Sebastian Squilaci, I once lived in Andalusia, but I was in eastern Andalusia which is completely different so you can overlook that one.
Therefore I feel it appropriate to bring my availability for selection, even if only as another defensive option on the bench, to your attention. Admittedly, I have a small business to steer through a recession and a book to be published soon (with subsequently lecture tours, fan buses, you know the sort of thing – those Americans love anything to do with Ireland), so I couldn’t do training or Champions’ League. Nor would I want to be cup-tied, of course. However, as there is currently no election canvassing to be done at weekends, I do feel I could make myself available for League games through the two-month period to the end of the financial year.
Obviously, I’d need to look at flights, particularly for the Spurs game on 26 February, so do please get back to me soon.
Veuillez agréer, Monsieur le Gaffeur, l’expression de mes sentiments distingués.
Ian Parsley
PS: Just to clarify, as I am not currently attached to a club, you would not in my case even have to clear insurance.
